I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
