So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize