Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
