I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
