Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
