I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
