my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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