Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
