There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ok first of all what the fuck
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
