god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
