i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Text me some of your sweat
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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