She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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