I want to make a zoo with you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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