Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
