then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
