Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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