here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
