Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
