she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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