I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
