I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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