I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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