When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
love makes seman taste better
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
