she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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