I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
