i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
