I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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