Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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