Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
