I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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