So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
