Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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