Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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