she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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