I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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