This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
