You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
