whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
