oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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