I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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