i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
