in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
