Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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