How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
