apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
