I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
