sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
