We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
