bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
