I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
