Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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