i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
