when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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