You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
