I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
