Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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