I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
