Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I supernannyed him into submission
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
