Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
