Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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