At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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