I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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