On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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