to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
