my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
