I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
