Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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