were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
