So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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