I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
