i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
