Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
